My Body, God’s Treasure
How God’s Delight Overcame My Eating Disorder
by Rachel Lynne Sakashita
I knew God was trying to get my attention when, during an eight-mile run, I tripped over a stone and temporarily dislodged my kneecap, making painless walking impossible for several months.
For a year and a half, I had been suffering from an eating disorder. I regarded my body as a problem: My stomach wasn’t flat enough, and my hips were too wide. I believed the only way I could remedy my problem was through overeating and overexercising. My flesh and bones were my enemies, and I worked against them constantly to lose weight, no matter the consequences. I could not have imagined that the body I so detested was lovingly designed by a Creator.
The physical implications were severe, and the effects on my relationships were even worse. Exhausted and self-hating, I was so bogged down in my own world of inner despair that I had little energy for investing in those around me. I often felt as though my brain was trapped in a foggy haze, eliminating the possibility of clear-minded conversation with anyone—especially with God. So when I suffered an injury while running to make up for eating “too much” that day, God finally caught my attention.
I created your body for a purpose. It is a treasure to me.
Further reflections on Scripture have reinforced God’s words spoken to me on that night, and they have carried me through the recovery process. When I am tempted to view my own body with disdain, I meditate on the truth that my body is the Spirit’s dwelling place (see 1 Corinthians 6:19)—why would God choose to dwell somewhere that does not please Him? I am to conduct my body with honor and holiness (see Romans 12:1–2)—why would God consider my life and body a living sacrifice if they were inherently worthless? One thought that has been of particular encouragement to me is this: God has promised that he will resurrect my body when I arise to spend eternal life with him (see Philippians 3:20–21)—why would God resurrect something that is not created for goodness?
God’s Word has carried me through the recovery process.
In other words: How can I hate a body that God dwells in through the Holy Spirit and will resurrect to live with him for all eternity?
Ever since I stumbled over that stone while running, and with many setbacks and moments of gritting my teeth and starting again, my body became what it was meant to be—not a problem to overcome but a treasure to delight in—and my daily life began to reflect that. Food slowly metamorphosed from something I used to control my body weight to a blessing that gifted me with strength and energy. Instead of running mile after mile driven by guilt, I began to engage in the practices of classical ballet and walking in nature to exult in the movement of my body as part of a larger world of beauty. When former temptations resurfaced, I gently redirected my mind to the truth that God believes my body is created with good purpose. And if God believes it, then I believe it too. God’s declaration of my body as purposeful and precious to him became my hope and stay.
When tempted, I meditate on the truth that my body is the Spirit’s dwelling place.
This truth extends beyond just the struggle of an eating disorder into the realm of any struggle that causes us to hate our bodies. Perhaps we suffer from a condition that causes our bodies to function differently from others, or we might lament a recurring sexual sin and wonder why God even designed us to have physical bodies to begin with. Yet though our minds may take a while—in my case, years—to allow the truth to seep into our ways of being, God beckons us to keep our eyes fixed on the truth that our bodies are “wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) by a master designer.
On the days when taking another bite feels like an insurmountable mountain, I remember God’s promise that, to him, my body is priceless. Wielding this truth as a weapon against my tendency toward negative body image, I lean upon the God who cares even more for my body than I do, and it is his strength that convinces me to rise again.
Rachel Lynne Sakashita is an international ministry worker and blogger who longs to live out Psalm 27:4. @abrightaubade
Scripture quotations are from the New International Version of the Bible.