Five Ways to Join a Friend in Suffering
Offering the Ministry of Presence to a Grieving Friend
by Jenny Albers
Aside from the heart-wrenching details of a season marked by deep grief, what I remember most is the feeling of loneliness. I felt invisible. Life continued at a swift pace for others, while it had come to an abrupt halt for me.
I was previously unaware of how isolating grief could be. I didn’t realize the importance of companionship amid pain. As a result of navigating my own personal suffering and that of friends, I’ve learned a few ways to meet others in their hurt. These five suggestions may not be all-encompassing, but they offer a practical place to start.
Sit. Joining a friend in suffering doesn’t necessarily mean creating an extravagant action plan. It means existing in the struggle with her. Being present in her pain. Bearing witness to her tears. Sitting with her is the action. Though perhaps uncomfortable for you, your presence can provide comfort for her.
Ask thoughtful questions. There’s a good chance your friend is waiting for an opening to honestly discuss her pain. If she readily responds, listen without offering a silver lining. If she is not ready to talk, that’s okay. Respect her boundaries. Being open to a hard but honest conversation communicates to her that when she is ready to talk, you will be there to listen.
Serve sacrificially. See a need? Provide for it—even if it’s inconvenient. This may look like providing a last-minute meal, assisting with errands on a tight schedule, or being on call to provide childcare. Offer to serve, even if you haven’t been asked yet.
Keep reaching out. Seasons of suffering are often lengthy, requiring ongoing care. Maintaining a connection can be as simple as sending a weekly text message to let your friend know you’re thinking about her or to offer help. Consider adding significant dates to your calendar, such as remembrance dates or important appointments, and check in during those times too.
Seasons of grief are often lengthy, requiring ongoing care.
Pray together. Pain calls for prayer (see James 5:13). Pray for your friend with your friend. Ask God to help her in specific ways and to guide you as you come alongside her in the hurt.
Enduring a time of suffering with a friend won’t be executed perfectly. It will likely be complicated and awkward. Yet we willingly join others in their suffering because that’s what Christ did for us. No matter how messy it becomes, we can be confident in knowing his grace is sufficient to cover it all (see 2 Corinthians 12:9).
Jenny Albers is the author of Courageously Expecting: 30 Days of Encouragement for Pregnancy after Loss. @jennyalbersauthor