When You Don’t Feel Like Enough
Embracing God’s Grace for Your Life
by Stephanie Jordan
Every spring, I am fooled into believing that I have a green thumb. Can you relate? The weather is gorgeous, plants are blooming, and trees are blossoming into their green glory. I could sit outside all day and play in the crumbly, cool dirt. I daydream about a beautiful yard blooming with various red, pink, and purple flowers—or maybe raised garden beds with herbs, fruits, and delicious vegetables to create gourmet food spreads. My dreams would rival any Martha Stewart catalog. However, the same place where these dreams are born is also where they die.
A Spiritual Brown Thumb
You see, plants don’t scream. They don’t alert me that they haven’t had water in, oh, three or four days. They don’t gasp as they die slowly, never reaching their potential. They just quietly wilt and turn a sullen array of death shades under my massive brown thumb. Spring dreams turn into summer nightmares. Even if the plants were screaming, I’m sure I would let them die. I am not built for summer: the heat, the glaring sun burning my skin, and the air so wet you wonder if you need a snorkel to breathe. The constant demand for care would eventually take its toll, and I would throw in the towel of defeat, letting myself—and ultimately the plants—down.
If I’m honest, I’ve let down a lot more than plants. I don’t mean to, but it happens. Sometimes I struggle through the day. And while my children don’t always think I am wonderful, I long to be a mom who finds joy in all the things, big and small, that mothering entails—like baking pretty, iced, decorated cookies to make holidays magical. I hope to spark long-term memories that my children will look back on fondly.
The Proverbs 31 Woman
Instead, I find myself lamenting the endless work and effort it takes to create that magic. I resent being unable to rest my brain from the constant life-survival choices that lead me to decision fatigue. The woman described in Proverbs 31 haunts me with her seemingly endless perfection—a role model that I think sometimes creates unrealistic pressures. Yet somehow, I still desire to hear the words, “Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!” (Proverbs 31:29 MSG). The feeling of failure leads me to once again question God about my worth.
Then he gently reminds me that although my dying plants don’t scream, I am enough because he chose me. When I lack strength and wrestle with the idea of giving up and walking away, he reminds my tender and fragile heart that in my weakness, he is strong (see 2 Corinthians 12:9 MSG). His grace is sufficient in all my brown-thumb, resentful, and lamenting moments.
God’s Grace is Enough
And it’s true for you, too, as you struggle to keep all the things alive and thriving that have been given to your charge. You are the Proverbs 31 woman if you are showing up day in and day out. Not because you can do it all, but because God can do incredible things through you. If he entrusts you with the responsibilities of cultivating gardens and giving life, then you can be assured that you are capable of successfully completing the tasks entrusted to you. He doesn’t make mistakes. Even if those plants never flourish, and everything isn’t magical—one day, sister, your children will call you blessed (see Proverbs 31:28 MSG)!
Stephanie Jordan is a mother and author who loves to inspire others into a deep relationship with God. @thestephaniejordan
Scripture references are from The Message Bible.