Seeking a Heart for Prayer When Your Spirit Is Dry:
Discovering What Only God Can Do
by Tracey Rector
I poured out an impassioned plea to God. My prayer life had become stale and listless, and prayer had become more of an obligation than a privilege. Checking off an ever-lengthening list of requests left me exhausted, unmoved, and filled with guilt. Those emotions fused into a toxic recipe for ambivalence at best and outright avoidance at worst. I wondered why, despite my determination to keep at it, I simply did not have a heart for prayer. I couldn’t seem to generate a passion for this critically important spiritual discipline.
So I asked God to create in me a heart that didn’t exist. I stepped back from my own efforts and allowed myself to become a beginner again, starting with a blank slate. I meditated on Scripture verses on prayer. I sought wisdom from others who had wrestled with how to pray—from King David to Saint Augustine to Tim Keller. I took great comfort in knowing that even heroes of the faith struggled in communicating with the Almighty God. And I sat quietly, waiting and listening.
Checking off an ever-lengthening list of requests left me exhausted, unmoved, and filled with guilt.
Through my own efforts, I had created a mess. But there, in the middle of my frustration, I felt God whispering, Remember—it’s not about you. He revealed to me I had it completely backward; I was trying to determine my own steps. I could create a prayer list in which no request was ever forgotten or overlooked. I could create a special place to pray with a comfortable chair and a steaming mug of coffee. I could create a lovely prayer journal with beautifully highlighted Scripture passages. But I could not create a heart that desired more than anything to pray—only God could do that.
When I released myself from the obligations I had imposed on prayer, I began to crave that time of quiet listening—from the first birdsong in the dark before dawn to the reliable hum of the refrigerator. Slowly, God created within me what had not existed before—a heart that yearned to wake up to a quiet time of prayer.
Second Samuel records both the exhilarating successes of a powerful king as well as the shameful failures of a flawed and sinful man. And while my own successes and failures may seem modest in comparison, I resonated with King David’s longing for constant communion with God through prayer. He continually pursued God’s blessing and forgiveness with a heart that believed passionately in his Father’s love for him. In reading David’s prayers in the Psalms, I began to long for that kind of relationship with God.
In Psalm 51:10, David pleads with God to bring forth something that even he, a mighty warrior-king, cannot produce. “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” David, overwhelmed with guilt for his sin of adultery with Bathsheba, is not simply asking God to change his sinful behavior—he is begging God to create something that doesn’t exist. And he isn’t content with just a new heart. David longs for God’s continuing creation of a steadfast spirit that will allow him to demonstrate the power of his transforming work.
My plea, like David’s, was an audacious one that asked for even more. I also wanted God’s continuing creation in my own life and prayed that my heart would be constantly renewed. God’s creation through his Word occurred as I began to read the Scriptures as if they were written specifically for me. In my desire to pray as David prayed, I watched as the Holy Spirit created in me patience and faithfulness as I waited on God to renew my heart.
As I stepped aside and allowed God to create in me a heart for prayer, I started to see changes in my daily life. God’s desires and my desires began to merge together. My participation in ministries that once seemed like obligations became opportunities to use my time and talents to witness to others. I began to look back at my life and see the many ways God’s power and provision were present in my life, and my gratitude grew tremendously.
The Holy Spirit created in me patience and faithfulness as I waited on God to renew my heart.
When I realized my creative limitations and submitted to the Creator of all things, God in his grace gave me a heart for prayer that simply did not exist before. His creation in me is a work in progress—an ongoing transformation that draws me nearer to the One who makes all things new and gives a glimpse into the mighty power and love of our Creator.
Tracey Rector is a writer who loves novels, cooking, and learning about Jesus every day. @traceyrector
Scripture quotation is from the New International Version of the Bible.
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