Taking the High Road
Living with Integrity in a World Where Anything Goes
by Amber Stumph
As I back out of the driveway, my son’s boyish silhouette catches my eye. We drive in uneasy silence. He shifts his face away from the glare of an oncoming headlight, and with his sudden movement I capture the disappointment in his eyes.
Getting up earlier than normal was not a preference for either of us, but we were on a mission. And if we rushed to the middle-school building a little early, he just might have enough time.
I wonder if I am doing the right thing—expecting my son to admit to others that he did something he is not proud of. Moving forward is the right thing to do, but I can’t tell him how much I am struggling with asking him to be so mature. I just want to turn this car around and head back home.
“No one else has to do this, Mom.”
I take a long, slow breath to mask what I don’t want him to hear as a sigh. I feel the weight of his attempt to make me see his truth: I am returning him to the classroom to offer a transparent apology—knowing he will be doing it solo.
It would be so much easier to act like it didn’t happen and move on. It would be effortless to react with anger and resentment at everyone else’s lack of accountability. I could choose to be bitter. “This is frustrating!” I want to yell at God.
Yet over the murmur of the engine, as if he hears my inaudible whine, God claps back, “I know. I see everyone involved. But what will be your response this time?”
The light glows green, and I drive once again but without consciously moving ahead. I’ve completed this commute so often I don’t even have to think about it. I turn left. I steer right. I proceed on autopilot. I hardly pay attention to the road while I’m focused on this in my mind.
As we move along, a sinking feeling taps on my heart. I can allow my son to go home, or he can grow strong.
We have all made mistakes, hurt or disappointed someone, or simply miscalculated our efforts. If we allow it, Scripture presents the map to guide us, teaching us which way to go. When we lean on God’s Word in the midst of our daily fumblings, we bear our hardship in a way that is uncommon. At first it may feel uncomfortable, but we have been tasked to use an unnatural auto response in this world.
We admit when we are wrong (see Psalm 51:3).
We apologize first (see 1 Peter 5:5).
We pursue humility (see Ephesians 4:2).
As Christ followers, we have a particular pattern God has laid out for us to follow. Perhaps our hearts will be pulled away by how we perceive others’ lives on social media, the routine of everyday life, or the weight of fear-based messages that creep in among us. But our response to these difficulties should candidly perplex the world.
Instead of defending our poor conduct and deferring accountability, we recognize that our actions have impact, and we choose to offer a humble but powerful, repentant posture when the dips of life interrupt our smooth road.
Our response to life’s difficulties should candidly perplex the world.
My thoughts break with the sound of the car door. In the short time my mind was away, we arrived at the school. As I blink, my son shifts toward the door, but before he can jump on the pavement, I grab his hand and offer him an encouraging smile.
“You’ve got this, buddy,” I say.
I forge ahead toward home all alone. This is not the easy path. Raising my son in a disorienting world will be a constant struggle. Holding him accountable remains almost unbearable. Today I persisted, knowing that if he can find the courage to offer his apology at school, this will intuitively lead him when he faces the next crossroad. Teaching him accountability in this moment will affect how he handles his next test of integrity. And when I illuminate the path of humility to guide his mistakes, he is poised for godly growth.
To sincerely admit when we have made a mistake in a world where anything goes may be uncommon. It is certainly humbling. It is likely unanticipated. But if we can accept our need for accountability—despite the discomfort—it’s an incredibly honorable default mode for our daily life.
Amber Stumph is the host behind Copper + Nines home styling and loves creating space for quality time. @copperandnines